Amen!

So today was the 5th Sunday. Usually I'm not a big fan of the 5th Sunday, just because for some reason I don't find the talks during that time very interesting. I know, it's probably my fault. So yesterday I was thinking, maybe I'll fake a stomach ache so we don't go. LOL But I knew better so I decided that yes, we would go today. It was interesting because I was doing fine until about 40 minutes before we were to leave. All of a sudden I felt like I was going to throw up. My mom, who was in town, immediately said I was pregnant. I corrected her of course because I'm not. But it literally came out of no where! I ran to the bathroom then had to lay down because I felt so sick. But everyone else was ready and they were all waiting on me. So I was determined to go. Looking back I now realize that Satan didn't want me to go, that's why I was so sick, so suddenly. He did not want me to experience what I did today.

I had an absolute;y amazing time at church! First we had sacrament meeting and the girls were really good for the most part. The talks were ok, the four speakers were a family that was moving out of the ward. Their two girls bore their testimony's and then the parent's spoke. The dad mainly spoke about how much he loved the ward and who he liked and about them unpacking yadda yadda. But I enjoyed sacrament none the less. It felt so good to be at church with my little family.

After that, we headed to our marriage class. I was disappointed that our teacher ended up not being there. We've really enjoyed that class. So we headed to gospel doctrine instead. Now I don't really mind gospel doctrine, just sometimes I have a hard time getting into it. Today was different though. I think a lot of it had to do with us sitting in the front row. I enjoyed participating and we had some neat discussions. Then we all were combined for priesthood and relief society.

Wow! Is all I can say. The bishop spoke and it was amazing. I knew when he spoke that he was meant to be the bishop in our ward at this time. What an amazing man. The main topic was about how husband's and wive's relationships are a partnership and how women have a right to revelation to know whether or not choices their husbands make are correct. The discussion was that as husband and wife, if we're both on the same page and in tune with the spirit, we both will receive the same answers to our questions. This was powerful to me. My husband and I are 99% of the time on the right page and usually get the same answers. But there was something different about the way the bishop spoke about it. It felt like I needed to hear it and hear it the way he said it.

I'm not sure why exactly. Right now I've been trying to figure out what I want to major in, in school but that has come to no avail. We're also trying to figure out just when to expect another baby. What job my husband should have right now? Where should we end up? Maybe this was a way of Heavenly Father telling me how to get answers to these questions. The bishop said that if we don't receive an answer, or if our answers are different (meaning my husband gets one answer and I get another one) then maybe we aren't asking the right questions.

I'm going to think about this some more and figure out what we want and what is right. It will take some time and a lot of prayer but I know the right answers will to come to our little family. I am so grateful for everything that was taught today. I am glad that we did go to church. You just never know what could happen. I'm so thankful I was wrong about it today and that it was so much better than I anticipated. What a blessing.

Cool breezes

Today if was finally cool enough to go outside for a little bit. Lately, when the baby goes down for her morning nap, the oldest and I go outside and play just the two of us. We have toys right by our apartment which is so nice and convenient! The toys were in the shade which means I was in the shade! lol It was nice to see my daughter happy which made me happy. There's nothing like fresh air to perk up your day. It's boring being cooped up inside all the time, so it's always fun to be able to get out when it's not too hot. Yesterday on the news they said because it was so hot you could get a sunburn in 10 minutes! Holy toledo! Needless to say we don't go out when it's super hot. I like warm weather but I don't think I could survive in places like Arizona or in the South where it's so humid. The worst feeling is your clothes sticking to you. Gross. So I'm grateful for where we live, weather wise. I hope the next place we move to is relatively the same, even a little cooler would be nice, but we shall see. It's a beautiful day despite the heat. :-)

Saying goodbye

It's never easy to say goodbye to something or someone you love. I remember when I was younger I had this purple jacket that I loved. I wore it all the time, every day for almost 2 years. Drove everyone crazy, especially my mom, but I loved it. One day I couldn't find it. I looked everywhere but to no avail. I asked my mom and she told me I probably just misplaced it. Even though she denied ever having anything to do with it, I always knew she got rid of it. It wasn't until recently she told me she had. It wasn't easy, as silly as that may sound, but I did get over it.

I remember the day I recieved a phone call from my brother telling me my grandmother died. I was in 9th grade. I didn't know her that well but I remember feeling sad and knowing how hurt the rest of my family, who did know her well, would be. Saying goodbye to her was "easier" I think just because we weren't close. Not even a month later, I recieved another phone call from my brother saying that my grandfather had died too. I was closer to him and as soon as I heard the news I had to sit down. I felt really sad and even cried at the funeral.

Then there's today, where I had my hardest goodbye to date. We recieved four phone calls about our dog today. The first one was a really friendly-sounding woman who left a message on our answering machine. Just from the sound of her voice, I felt really good about her. The second was from an older couple looking for a dog to help them pass the time and go on walks with. They sounded very nice also. The third and fourth were fine, but I didn't feel as good about them. The first woman and her husband and one of their boys drove out to look at our dog. They loved her and I loved them. They have a big yard, they live only an hour away, they said they wanted to take her hiking and camping, their kids had saved up money to buy a dog now that they are in a bigger home, which I thought was really sweet.

It was comforting to hear them talk about all the things they wanted to do with our dog. It made me feel good that they have a place for her to run and they want to take her with them on vacations. Both were things we couldn't offer her very often. It did make me feel better when they said they were LDS, not really sure why but it did. Also, small world, the husband knows two of my brothers. So in a way I felt better about the idea of giving our dog to someone we "knew." We decided that they were the perfect family to take in our dog. They even said we could call anytime and come see her when we wanted. It was hard saying goodbye and I cried. I could really use the biggest hug right now but no one to hug. My husband was home only for a few minutes to meet them quick and grab lunch then he had to go back to work. My oldest didn't understand what was going on of course. When they took the dog she was upset that she didn't give her another kiss. But then she was fine. Me, I just cried.

I'm not very good at saying goodbyes I guess, I never really have been. Our dog was the only one that was really close to me that I have had to say goodbye too. I know she's in a better home and I can only hope she will forgive me for not being a better owner. I will miss her and I will cry when I think about her. I wish I had someone to be here with me while I go through this. No one should be alone when they lose someone they love. I'll give myself time, then I will feel better I'm sure. Heavenly Father loves me and He is always there.

Straight from Heaven

I was holding my youngest today and I felt so much love for her. When I look at her I can't help but smile. She's so small, so precious, so innocent. She came straight from heaven. Then I began to think; Heavenly Father entrusted her into my care. Me! I was blessed with this little angel. Two beautiful angels!! I just love them so much that I want to do everything in my power to do what's best for them. Isn't that what most moms want? I love them so much more then I ever though possible. I feel priviledged to raise them. I know it's my responsibility to teach them, nurture them, and love them. I pray that I am always adequate enough to do so. I am so amazed on a daily basis the things my girls can do and what they know already at such a young age. Which reminds me of a recent event.

Not too long ago, we attended a cousin of mine's reception. I saw another cousin and his family that I hadn't seen in a long time. (I should note that every month I make a newsletter for this side of my family.) Well my cousin's wife walks up, and he introduces us again to her by saying "you remember, they have the Wonder Child." Referring to my oldest and the things we say about her in the newsletter. Then his wife says "ah yes the Wonder Child. Maybe she'll say something funny for us." Everyone laughed. Later my husband said they were making fun of us. The more I thought about it, the more I realized he was right. Every month I usually post all the new and fun things my girls do. Why should I not? Maybe there's a Family Newsletter 101 class I should have taken. But if we don't brag about our loved ones, who else are we going to tell? Maybe it's the time we're living in right now. Too many people think if you're bragging about your child then you're boasting about them. Then you get the moms who have to compare their child to yours. You know, the "oh yeah, top this" kind. Maybe I'm naive about it all. I think it would be easier to be happy for everyone and their children without having a hidden agenda.

I love my girls. I'm beyond proud of them. I enjoy talking about them and all they do. In the end, the only person who it really matters to is Heavenly Father. I want Him to be proud of me. I want Him to be pleased with me raising His children. I don't want to disappoint him. Everyone else can eat rocks. LOL

I made the call

Today started out really well. The girls were up around 8. Dh came home and the first thing he asked was if I needed help with the dog and garbages being taken out. Then I cleaned my whole bathroom top to bottom. I felt like I was on cloud 9 today! Then the girls and I went over to Kara's house and just hung out. We came home, both girls napped at the same time. Which meant I had a nap too. Then I remembered I had to make a phone call. A phone call to put our dog Cuddles up for sale in the newspaper. It was the hardest phone call I've ever made. I was teary-eyed afterwards. I think it finally hit me that this is for real. I know that overall it is the best thing for her. It's just not fair to her, she needs more room to run and play. Not to mention the baby is a little allergic to the dog hair. But still I can't help feeling a little guilty. Cuddles has been a member of our family since before our oldest was born. We brought her home the day before Christmas. She was curled up in a ball on dh's shoulder on the way to her new home that day. She was our first "baby." The cutest little legs and the cutest little face. She melted everyone's heart. It's like giving a family member away. I could never give my children away. I mean yes children are expensive and hard to deal with sometimes, but you don't just give them up yk? But Cuddles is a dog and some say that's different than if it was your own child. But you know, in a lot of ways it's the same thing. She really has been a member of our family. Sadly, I have to put the needs of my girls first though. We're running out of money for dog food and shots and medicine for her. I feel so awful about it. My husband keeps telling me this is really what's best for her, that it won't be easy but it's for the best. A part of me knows that, but I still feel bad about it. I've had two dogs in my life, both I've given up due to my circumstance. What kind of person am I? I feel horrible. How can I do this to an innocent animal when they only thing she's ever wanted is to be loved? I pray we can find a good, loving, better home for Cuddles. She deserves it.

It's just the little things

That make me happy. This week my husband has been so sweet. Usually I ask him to take out the garbages, but not this week. He's come home and asked if I needed them taken out. That may seem silly, but it's so nice not to have to remind him. I would say yes and he would get them taken care of. It's been so nice, like a load has been lifted off me. I've told him many times how much it has meant to me to have him ask instead of me reminding him all the time. He just smiles. I'm so grateful I have a wonderful husband.

Weather or not

We've had three extremes of weather the last two days. The first being, hot and humid. By far my least favorite type of weather. Your clothes and body get sticky and all you want to do is sit in front of an AC. I am grateful we actually have an AC in our apartment, otherwise I might melt like the wicked witch of the West. Then it cooled down to nice and breezy and the wonderful rain came! I love the rain. I love the smell of rain. Those billions of tiny drops of water freshen everything they touch. The sound is soothing and calming to me. I watched it out my window and took a moment to just enjoy. A few hours later, out came the sun and blue sky. A beautiful day! The trees looked taller, the grass greener, the birds joyfully singing. I feel we are blessed with weather. How dull would it be to have the same weather every single day, everywhere? The same three clouds, the same blue sky. Kind of boring I think. Have you ever noticed that sometimes the weather is a lot like your mood? Today for instance, it's not too hot, not too cold, just somewhere in between. That's my mood, a somewhere in between mood today. Oh look! It just started to drizzle! Excuse me please...